Motivation

How do you build motivation? I feel that for so many times in my life, I haven’t had any motivation. Ive thoughts about things that I want to do or accomplish. Like running for class president or getting into a regular work out routine. One time I can remember I felt truly motivated about what I wanted to do in my life was after I broke up with my high school boy friend. Life was bright, new, I had limitless options ahead of me. I wanted to do service; go into the peace core. All it is now is a memory. I feel that now, I'm just stuck. I don’t know when I'm going to graduate. My two girl friends in college are either graduated or are graduating this semester… me? Another two or three years? How am I going to do an internship when I don’t know what I'm doing… yeah. I just switched my major and I have an idea of what I want to do for my life… but how do I know I’ll even be good at it? Ive never planned an event before. I completely failed at planning my own reception. How’s that for motivation? Some times I feel as though I should get pregnant. If I was pregnant then I'd have motivation. Motivation to work and do my best for this child. The motivation to finish college and get the best grades I can. Usually in the semester I have motivation at the beginning to get ahead of the game and keep on top of everything. But i get burnt out so easily. For the next three months I will be sitting here, doing the same thing every day... sleeping in, thinking about jogging the neighborhoods or hiking a trail, but then the thought gets crushed by the fear that even here some strange car will pull up and take me or that on a trail someone could be waiting to rape me. This is depressing yes, but no I'm not depressed. But isn't it depressing to go through life not living up to what you know deep down you're capable of? How much different would life be if I weren't scared of trying. If I didn't live life through how I imagined it. That's what I do. I image all of the awesome things I want to do and can very well imagine myself doing those things. But then by the time it comes to actually do them, I say no or I'm fine or I don't care, when in reality... I really do. I think its why I get jealous, or why its really easy for me to talk to other people. I'm such a hypocrite. Its really easy for me to talk to other people and tell them to go for it, or don't be afraid of what happens, or just giving advice. I feel that I can give it really easily because that's how I truly feel, but I can't in no way take my own advice. So back to my original question. How do you build motivation? Right now, I have none. And ironically, its exhausting. Wasting my days, hours, minutes, moments and memories on television shows because that's all I can bring myself to do. Other then cleaning. Maybe that's why I learned to love cleaning because I feel that I'm doing something and I love it. So maybe what I'm looking for is not just advice, but a plan... what can I do or think or say to get myself to feel motivation?