A new year and a fresh start! (and an update!)

An Update!

Its been a while since I've posted. Just to update you, James and I have been back in Rexburg since the end of July. I went through a really hard time personally because I applied for a lot of jobs and had no success until November. But after that trial period of patience, blessings did come. Aleesha Lough introduced me to Mary Kay and although I'm having not the fastest start, I am loving every part of it. Just after I joined that, I was offered two other jobs, one at bath and body works (which ended at black friday pretty much...) and the other at Target! Which I loved. I absolutely loved working back there. All I needed was a quick refresher and then I was at full speed again. The seasonal workers were super great this year. Except for two of them... who ended up getting fired/quit not too much later. It was a really hard season working at Target. Last year I got sick but this year I was really blessed not to. Except most of the time I ended up having to work extra hard for the people that did call in, or the people that quit. Blah, you always find issues with jobs. I was so close to finishing my time out with Target but I kind of snapped two weeks before my last day... here's the story:

Target had been for two weeks closing at midnight. and for all of the fourteen days, I was scheduled to close ten of them. It was my second to last shift of having to close at midnight that I snapped. I broke down to one of my bosses and told him I couldn't do it anymore. Having to drive a half hour there and then back at 1-1:30 in the morning took a toll on me... and the fact that I closed every night and weekend. I could go on, but instead I'll move on.

The weekend before Christmas was when I quit. It was okay because that week I had started training at my new job as a secretary on campus in the Accounting office. Around the end of November James started working at Big Five and recently offered him the position past seasonal. We're not sure yet if he should because of his school schedule, but we'll see! Really quick before I move onto the new year, this last week I worked a lone at my new job on campus and am loving it.

Christmas, by the way, was so great. My mom and Greg were up here from saturday to wednesday and had their two puppies with them. It snowed! We had a white Christmas! And because of my impatience and excitement, we opened gifts up with the family on Christmas eve haha. It was great.

Happy New Year!

Now onto the new year! Last night James and I spent a quiet evening together watching the ball drop on tv and clinking our Martineli glasses together. A new year is always bitter sweet. I love the feeling it brings me though. I like to reflect. When I reach a new ending/starting point, I think about what happened this past time period, like at the start of a new semester; I reflect on what happened last semester and what I can do better this next one. Speaking of which, have I mentioned how stoked I am for this next semester?! Because of his internship, James and I have been out of school since April. I feel really good about my major finally and cant wait to jump into in and figure out which way I'd like to go with it. We start next Monday and its going to be great. After this semester we only have three left! I plan on graduating April 2014, and refuse to do so any later.

I love new years. Especially odd numbered years! haha I know it sounds wierd, but all my odd numbered years have been really good. I was born in one, I was married in one, and great things are going to happen in this one! I know that there will be trials and heart aches ahead of us... but I know that James and I will be able to make it through. This year will be our second year married and I am still loving it! Although he drives me insane sometimes, I still love him with all my heart and I notice every day how lucky I am to have him and how perfect he was for me.

Happy new year everyone! Its a time to put all the bad and heart ache from last year behind us, take all the lessons and joy we gained and had and time to add to it! Happy 2013 everyone! We love you all and can't wait to see what's ahead!

Numbers

Six:  The number of days left until July. 
-I can't believe its almost July. Not only for the fact that the year had flown by but mostly because Washington has yet to discover that its summer and that it's supposed to be 75 degrees outside. Not a monsoon every other day.

Four:  The number of weeks James has left of his internship. 
-How exciting! This experience has been incredible. I have seen James grow so much from his internship. He is seriously considering getting his masters now in landscape architecture and he has decided on a minor that will be best for his career goals; business. I'm guessing he's just excited to be done with the super laborious parts and mowing lawns in pouring down rain. 

Seven:  The number of weeks until our one year anniversary.
-Crazy. I can't believe we have been married for almost one year. I know that each year will fly by even faster. The one thing I don't like about our anniversary is that it makes me feel young. Pretty much because my birthday is the day before and I will finally be turning 21. 

Two:  The number of months we have left until we are back in Rexburg.
 -I have really been missing Rexburg. I know that sounds crazy to most of you, but it's been in the 80's there. And sunny. Almost every day. Here we get 'partially sunny'... Also, I now have family there! And I really miss my in-laws. They were a huge part of my life when I was going to school the first three years and even more so now. Also I can't wait to go back to school and get it ova' with! My new goal is to go on fast grad next year and graduate in April 2014 then do an internship that spring with some company.

Moments

James: "I hope our kids have your facial expressions."

Looks to me like our kids have equal chances of having 'expressive' faces.

Inspiration

Two Saturdays ago my friend Jessica came up to Seattle for her first time ever. In anticipation of her arrival, I planned out the whole day so that she'd really be able to get a good experience. It was also supposed to rain the entire day so that kinda sucked. But lucky for us the rain never came! Any who, I talked to James about how he felt if I would head back to Portland with Jess. He was okay with it and was planning on coming to get me the following Friday. Thus began my inspiring week in Portland.

It all began with Lexy's lesson in young woman's. Lucky for me the Sunday I was there, she was asked to speak to them about individual worth. Her lesson was incredible... It was exactly what those young woman needed to hear and especially me!! (Side note: just because we're growing up, doesn't mean we don't need to be humbled any more!). One part that really stuck out to me was when she spoke about how we should never talk bad about someone behind their back. We don't know their whole story and it is never, never our place to judge. Just to let you know, just prior to this and soon after those words she spoke, I had many humbling experiences where I had complained and gotten jealous, envious, and angry over something I ASSUMED just to hear the true story behind it. Each time I had gotten those stupid feelings of jealousy, I ended up feeling ashamed.

What happened to me?! In high school when I lived with my mom, I never judged anyone right away. I never got those really angry or pissed off or envious feelings. I just kinda looked at it almost ignorantly. Not thinking much of whatever people chose to do. I gave a lot of people the benefit of the doubt. And when people confided in me things that they were scared to tell others, I still loved them no matter what they told me. I miss that! This last week it hit me so hard in the face, and at so many different times that it finally got me to make a personal conviction to stop doing that. Its exhausting not to!! People have their own reasons for what they do. And good for them! Even if it doesn't turn out the best, some times all they need is someone there lending them a hand, making them feel confident with themselves! Confidence is so important. I have been put down so many times growing up that I am still trying to reclaim some of what I used to be. Like my laugh. I used to laugh so hard, with all of my heart. But then a friend told me I laughed too loud and a guy I dated told me it was embarrassing. That was hard to hear. And Its taken me a while to be able to be comfortable laughing that hard again.

Be there for people! Embrace their uniqueness and love them with all your heart. If you don't "click" with someone, oh well! You don't have to be their best friend. Just don't tear them down for who they love that they are. There is too many negative things in this world tell us that "we can't". And especially, don't do it behind their back. When you're truly not dedicated to being their friend in every way possible, then they deserve a better friend.

I've done this to too many people! I used to be better at it and I promise you here and now that I am dedicating myself to being that friend who says the positive things! Even when others are not. And to you that I have wronged: With all my heart and soul, I am so sorry. You did not deserve it. And You did not deserve me as a friend.

Letting go...

When one lets go of a grudge, a judgement, a hurt feeling, the past, when people say what hurt them and move past the past, its as if a huge weight has been lifted from their spirit. Its easy to get angry and hold on. But it sucks! It hurts. It feels horrible. So why do people do it? Because it's easy... it's so easy to sit and stew and let bad feelings grow. Its easy to fuel those feelings with horrible thoughts. Sometimes you feel that you deserve to feel that way. I've been there. But you need to get over it. It takes time though. Sometimes it may just take until you have that moment where you need to force yourself to write that message, take that drive, or make that call. One thing that I've had around me all my life is people who hold onto anger and past arguments and just hurt feelings. It's rubbed off on me horribly. But something else I've had in my life is the willingness to change and recognize that fault in myself. I held onto a bad break up for a year. Jealous for months. Cheating and lying for who knows how long. But it has been those moments. Those times when I have too much time to sit and think. That thinking turned to hating. Hating turned to crying. Crying turned to regret. Regret to more thinking. More thinking to action. And that action has turned out every time. Even when I had the right to be angry, I forced myself to apologize for hating. No one deserves to be hated. We've all been hated. I know when I've done or said things on purpose to hurt someone. And instantly I hated myself for them. But my pride didn't let me move on. I knew the other person hated me for it. I've also had it where someone did something to me that they soon regret. And I held on so long to the hurt that that person caused for me. But soon I broke that hurt down and slowly let that person back in. It was hard, it always is. That relationship isn't the same as it once was. Its completely different. But its better. Stronger. More... realistic. You didn't really appreciate the relationship you once had. Something big and bad happens that causes strife. But when the wall is broken down and people start to mend things, you see it all in a new light. You realize what level their relationship to you is on. You realize who they are and even who you are! The one thing constant in life is change. And that change can be brought on by simple words or acts, or even by giant moments that change the course of life around you. Some times it takes years. Years to gain the courage. Years until you feel its the right time, until the opportunity comes for the words to be spoken and silence to be broken. All one needs to do is be honest to themselves. Be honest about your heart, about the hurt you have, about what you've done to cause the hurt to someone else. Most people don't go around purposefully hurting people just because they want to. They all have their own stories and reasoning's. You don't know why that person was hurt. You don't know why they had a bad day. My only suggestion: don't let it be too late before you take that leap. Don't let twenty years go by before you swallow your pride and realize all of the wasted moments you could have had. It's never too late! It's never too late to do it for yourself. To do it for them. To do it for your children. For your future children. For your siblings. For your family. For your friends. Its hard. But when you think about it, all things in this life that are worth it, are hard. So if you've been thinking about that person lately, let them know. Find them on Facebook. Send them a text. Do it to the best of your ability. Sometimes that may just be as simple as saying "I'm here." For all of you struggling, holding on to the hurt, its okay. There is hope! There is hope that you can feel peace once again. The feeling of peace when nothing is keeping that smiling from appearing on your face just because today came. Thank you all who have forgiven me for holding a grudge. Thank you all who have let me apologize for my pride and for whatever I have done to hurt you. And for those who haven't; I'm sorry. From the deepest part of my soul I am sorry. For the moments we have lost. For the times I wasn't honest. For the times I wasn't sure about myself, my feelings and my thoughts. For the times that those unsure moments hurt you and caused you to feel abandoned, betrayed, led on. I'm sorry for the times you deleted my number, threw out or deleted all pictures or anything that reminded you of our times together. I'm especially sorry for the times I wasn't courageous enough to stand up for you or our friendship. I'm also sorry this blog is so long, but I feel I have to share these thoughts! For right now, I have tears coming to my eyes because I finally feel peace. I finally feel no hurt. Thank you for everyone who has come to me to say you're sorry. For all your helping hands and words. For your shoulders that I cried on. For the times you listened to me. For the times you told me to shut up. For the times you could see what I could not. Thank you. I know for a fact I will have more experiences where I will hurt someone and where I will be hurt. I am more worried about the moments I may miss because I let the hurt get to me and cause me to hide. So as for the title of this blog, letting go... let us let go! Let us feel that peace. There are too many things in life to worry about beside trying to hold onto hate just because of one simple thing or even a huge event of things. You don't have to let people back into your life. Sometimes all they want to hear is that they are forgiven. Because if they are anything like I have been, they know what they have done and they regret it with all their might. Finally, I would like to thank you all. To thank everyone who has come into my life. Whether it be for a moment or for a life time. Thank you for every growing experience. You have helped make up my life, my adventures, my tears, my growing moments, my downfalls, and all together who I am working to become.

Thank you. 

Bad habit

Idle hands are the devils play things. In this case, my idle hands got addicted to online shopping... which I have discovered is honestly one of the worst habits EVER. Since I just cut all of my hair off, I felt that my clothing wasn't girly enough... so I decided to online shop for cute cloths so that I can look like a confident woman! Who knew how bad it would affect the bank account :/ ... today I am going to stop that bad habit! Well... I mean... after the purchase I made today... I'm now stopping!!

Today, I think I may go running :) that should be my new addiction. I will update you on it in my next blog (that is... if I remember... ha ha)

Miracles do happen!!

I just received the best news I ever could have in these next three/four months :) But first let me give the back ground: James and I had a contract with an apartment until the end of this July, but then James received the news about the internship and we knew that we were meant to go. We were able to find a renter to take our apartment and everything was great. But then, one week before we were moving out, our rental company calls us and tells us that they have backed out. James and I were left trying to find a renter by April 1st, which was in one week. Plenty of people were interested. But no one signed a contract. Time went on... and during that time we found out that if no one was going to take the apartment then we would have to pay for all the time it was empty and also be charged for abandonment fees. This would add up to a total of $2100 plus some had no one taken the lease. Well, a month has now gone by and each day the stress on us grew stronger and hope grew extremely bleak. But today, I found out the best news I could have heard. I called to see how we can pay for the month that has recently passed, and I was told someone just signed a lease a few days ago :) !! They are moving in next friday!! Thank you Heavenly Father for answering my prayers :) James and I don't have the money to pay for four months of rent... we are struggling as it is and were hoping to use this time to save up money, and now... I have so much hope! We will be able to stand okay the next 8 or 9 months as we pay off other things and not have to worry about that huge sum of money over our heads :) Miracles do happen, thank you Heavenly Father :)