Inspiration

Two Saturdays ago my friend Jessica came up to Seattle for her first time ever. In anticipation of her arrival, I planned out the whole day so that she'd really be able to get a good experience. It was also supposed to rain the entire day so that kinda sucked. But lucky for us the rain never came! Any who, I talked to James about how he felt if I would head back to Portland with Jess. He was okay with it and was planning on coming to get me the following Friday. Thus began my inspiring week in Portland.

It all began with Lexy's lesson in young woman's. Lucky for me the Sunday I was there, she was asked to speak to them about individual worth. Her lesson was incredible... It was exactly what those young woman needed to hear and especially me!! (Side note: just because we're growing up, doesn't mean we don't need to be humbled any more!). One part that really stuck out to me was when she spoke about how we should never talk bad about someone behind their back. We don't know their whole story and it is never, never our place to judge. Just to let you know, just prior to this and soon after those words she spoke, I had many humbling experiences where I had complained and gotten jealous, envious, and angry over something I ASSUMED just to hear the true story behind it. Each time I had gotten those stupid feelings of jealousy, I ended up feeling ashamed.

What happened to me?! In high school when I lived with my mom, I never judged anyone right away. I never got those really angry or pissed off or envious feelings. I just kinda looked at it almost ignorantly. Not thinking much of whatever people chose to do. I gave a lot of people the benefit of the doubt. And when people confided in me things that they were scared to tell others, I still loved them no matter what they told me. I miss that! This last week it hit me so hard in the face, and at so many different times that it finally got me to make a personal conviction to stop doing that. Its exhausting not to!! People have their own reasons for what they do. And good for them! Even if it doesn't turn out the best, some times all they need is someone there lending them a hand, making them feel confident with themselves! Confidence is so important. I have been put down so many times growing up that I am still trying to reclaim some of what I used to be. Like my laugh. I used to laugh so hard, with all of my heart. But then a friend told me I laughed too loud and a guy I dated told me it was embarrassing. That was hard to hear. And Its taken me a while to be able to be comfortable laughing that hard again.

Be there for people! Embrace their uniqueness and love them with all your heart. If you don't "click" with someone, oh well! You don't have to be their best friend. Just don't tear them down for who they love that they are. There is too many negative things in this world tell us that "we can't". And especially, don't do it behind their back. When you're truly not dedicated to being their friend in every way possible, then they deserve a better friend.

I've done this to too many people! I used to be better at it and I promise you here and now that I am dedicating myself to being that friend who says the positive things! Even when others are not. And to you that I have wronged: With all my heart and soul, I am so sorry. You did not deserve it. And You did not deserve me as a friend.