Letting go...

When one lets go of a grudge, a judgement, a hurt feeling, the past, when people say what hurt them and move past the past, its as if a huge weight has been lifted from their spirit. Its easy to get angry and hold on. But it sucks! It hurts. It feels horrible. So why do people do it? Because it's easy... it's so easy to sit and stew and let bad feelings grow. Its easy to fuel those feelings with horrible thoughts. Sometimes you feel that you deserve to feel that way. I've been there. But you need to get over it. It takes time though. Sometimes it may just take until you have that moment where you need to force yourself to write that message, take that drive, or make that call. One thing that I've had around me all my life is people who hold onto anger and past arguments and just hurt feelings. It's rubbed off on me horribly. But something else I've had in my life is the willingness to change and recognize that fault in myself. I held onto a bad break up for a year. Jealous for months. Cheating and lying for who knows how long. But it has been those moments. Those times when I have too much time to sit and think. That thinking turned to hating. Hating turned to crying. Crying turned to regret. Regret to more thinking. More thinking to action. And that action has turned out every time. Even when I had the right to be angry, I forced myself to apologize for hating. No one deserves to be hated. We've all been hated. I know when I've done or said things on purpose to hurt someone. And instantly I hated myself for them. But my pride didn't let me move on. I knew the other person hated me for it. I've also had it where someone did something to me that they soon regret. And I held on so long to the hurt that that person caused for me. But soon I broke that hurt down and slowly let that person back in. It was hard, it always is. That relationship isn't the same as it once was. Its completely different. But its better. Stronger. More... realistic. You didn't really appreciate the relationship you once had. Something big and bad happens that causes strife. But when the wall is broken down and people start to mend things, you see it all in a new light. You realize what level their relationship to you is on. You realize who they are and even who you are! The one thing constant in life is change. And that change can be brought on by simple words or acts, or even by giant moments that change the course of life around you. Some times it takes years. Years to gain the courage. Years until you feel its the right time, until the opportunity comes for the words to be spoken and silence to be broken. All one needs to do is be honest to themselves. Be honest about your heart, about the hurt you have, about what you've done to cause the hurt to someone else. Most people don't go around purposefully hurting people just because they want to. They all have their own stories and reasoning's. You don't know why that person was hurt. You don't know why they had a bad day. My only suggestion: don't let it be too late before you take that leap. Don't let twenty years go by before you swallow your pride and realize all of the wasted moments you could have had. It's never too late! It's never too late to do it for yourself. To do it for them. To do it for your children. For your future children. For your siblings. For your family. For your friends. Its hard. But when you think about it, all things in this life that are worth it, are hard. So if you've been thinking about that person lately, let them know. Find them on Facebook. Send them a text. Do it to the best of your ability. Sometimes that may just be as simple as saying "I'm here." For all of you struggling, holding on to the hurt, its okay. There is hope! There is hope that you can feel peace once again. The feeling of peace when nothing is keeping that smiling from appearing on your face just because today came. Thank you all who have forgiven me for holding a grudge. Thank you all who have let me apologize for my pride and for whatever I have done to hurt you. And for those who haven't; I'm sorry. From the deepest part of my soul I am sorry. For the moments we have lost. For the times I wasn't honest. For the times I wasn't sure about myself, my feelings and my thoughts. For the times that those unsure moments hurt you and caused you to feel abandoned, betrayed, led on. I'm sorry for the times you deleted my number, threw out or deleted all pictures or anything that reminded you of our times together. I'm especially sorry for the times I wasn't courageous enough to stand up for you or our friendship. I'm also sorry this blog is so long, but I feel I have to share these thoughts! For right now, I have tears coming to my eyes because I finally feel peace. I finally feel no hurt. Thank you for everyone who has come to me to say you're sorry. For all your helping hands and words. For your shoulders that I cried on. For the times you listened to me. For the times you told me to shut up. For the times you could see what I could not. Thank you. I know for a fact I will have more experiences where I will hurt someone and where I will be hurt. I am more worried about the moments I may miss because I let the hurt get to me and cause me to hide. So as for the title of this blog, letting go... let us let go! Let us feel that peace. There are too many things in life to worry about beside trying to hold onto hate just because of one simple thing or even a huge event of things. You don't have to let people back into your life. Sometimes all they want to hear is that they are forgiven. Because if they are anything like I have been, they know what they have done and they regret it with all their might. Finally, I would like to thank you all. To thank everyone who has come into my life. Whether it be for a moment or for a life time. Thank you for every growing experience. You have helped make up my life, my adventures, my tears, my growing moments, my downfalls, and all together who I am working to become.

Thank you.